When Larry (Stiller) starts work as a night watchman at New York's Natural History Museum, he's expecting complete boredom. But the retiring former guards (Van Dyke, Rooney and Cobbs) seem a little suspicious, and on the first night he discovers why: everything in the museum comes to life after dark. Soon he's enlisting Teddy Roosevelt (Williams) to help negotiate peace between a miniature cowboy (Wilson) and centurion (Coogan), while Huns and Neanderthals run riot. Not to mention lions, monkeys and dinosaurs.

Of course, there's a big conspiracy involving a magical artefact, plus lots of father-son bonding and a whiff of romance with a museum employee (Gugino). The idea is potentially entertaining, but the screenwriters merely rely on tired cliches and underdeveloped jokes. For example, Gervais (as the museum director) has a hilarious way of expressing himself, but it's not funny after the third time. Let alone the twenty-third.

Director Levy never generates any snap of life in any of the set-pieces. It looks great, but without sharp characters it's both lifeless and pointless. And strangely unfunny. The only actors that remotely have any spark are Wilson and Coogan, and that's only due to their improvised bits of dialog. Van Dyke, Rooney and Cobbs are wasted; Stiller does what he can, but is lost in the digital bedlam.

Underdeveloped scripts are epidemic in Hollywood, where release dates are set before a word is put on paper. But no amount of glossy cinematography, starry casting and expert effects work can turn a weak story or paper-thin characters into a solid movie. There are terrific opportunities for visual gags and thrilling action here, but the writers and director never come up with anything remotely inventive. So the film feels like a waste of however many millions of dollars they spent. And of two hours of our time.

themes, language, some violence

1.Dec.06