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It's the 5th century, and Rome has just decided to abandon Great Britain to the advancing Saxon army. But Rome's indentured warrior knights are given one last mission to rescue a Roman family in the remote north. Leader Arthur (Owen) begrudgingly accepts the assignment, taking his faithful sidekicks (Winstone, Gruffudd, Mikkelsen, Edgerton, Dancy) into battle with the indigenous Woads, led by Merlin (Dillane), while the Saxon leader (Skarsgard) and his warrior son (Schweiger) bear down on them from the north.

Oddly, this is the exact same plot as Fuqua's Tears of the Sun, in which Bruce Willis is given a hopeless mission to rescue a European trapped in war-torn West Africa; then he decides to go further, rescuing innocent people, risking his life in skirmishes with various brutal factions. Mix in rather a lot of stylish Braveheart-style roaring and muddiness and here we are.

The cast is fine: Owen does dignified grunting gruffness very well indeed, Winstone is lively and funny, Gruffudd is soulful and brooding, Skarsgard is hairy and whispery, Schweiger is bald and slithery, and so on. But these fine actors are badly underused. As the rescued young Guinevere though, Knightley glamorously moves from wasted dungeon chic to fierce action girl in record time. She is absolutely ridiculous, and yet so chirpy that she quickly becomes the best thing about the film!

And then there's that Jerry Bruckheimer touch. Despite being set before the gunpowder age, the film is full of scorching pyrotechnics. Bonfires burn everywhere, filling the landscape with moody black smoke. Trebuchets launch nuclear warheads that detonate in mushroom clouds. Trenches drizzled with tar blast 100-foot tall flames. Even ice on a frozen lake doesn't merely crack, but erupts in jagged shards of cacophonous horror! Sadly, nothing's balanced by even a hint of emotional authenticity, which leaves all the rah-rah freedom stuff hollow and corny. Yet as it builds viscerally to the mammoth final battle, the film is great fun to watch even though it's completely preposterous.